Cubs Get R-Rated … Good

By: Chicago Sports Review

Put the kids to bed, or cover their eyes. It’s time for the Chicago Cubs to move up - in ratings. Call the FCC if you want, but we’re getting Rated-R - Finally.Time to darken the tender sunshine atmosphere, and add more night-ball at Wrigley.

Inserting extra night games into the Cubs schedule not only adds to a national appeal, it will quell a sandlot stigma, and add some intensity and allure to this cuddly franchise.

Paraphrasing Trent from God’s gift to the single man, Swingers, it’s time for the Cubs to stop acting like the PG-13 guy; that special fella’ that you really hope is going to get the girl, but you aren’t sure he’ll pull it off. Instead, start acting more akin to the mysterious stud who will probably score the girl, but that we’re just not quite sure about.

The reasons are many. For one, night games de-cozify confines that until last year were generally more friendly to opponents than the home team. Even the most negative Cubs fans acknowledge that talent has played in this “ivy-covered burial ground.”

What’s so intimidating about a sunny cemetery?

Scheduling helps Cubs players, who have long complained about returning from road trips only to answer the early alarm for another trip to Wrigley. Lovable losers they have been with scheduling that, in many cases, actually appeals to opponents.

Let’s stop working on Sesame Street’s slot, and move into NYPD Blue hours. Let’s get that PG rating canned.

Another reason for more night affairs is to prepare a team for a playoff atmosphere. The 2004 Cubs are playoff material, and even the harshest of March’s prognosticators would pounce on that mantra. So turn on the bright lights and physically prepare the team for post-season conditions just like you can prepare them in the clubhouse for the mental adjustment. Get ‘em used to playing ball at hours when the young ones have long been snuggling with their cubbies…err, teddy bears, in bed.

Night games at Wrigley are electric. A bigger TV audience tunes in, the players have had a day to get amped, and the fans have had an extra hour at the local establishments to do likewise. After they’ve consumed perhaps one to five more Old Styles than they might at a late-lunch affair, fans inevitably fill every seat and aisle in the house.

Day games are a warm-up act. They’re the up-and-comers on stage while the real band gets fired up, and the real crowd gets liquored up. Sure, at Wrigley it’s a tradition, but it means a national audience is not present to take in the show.

The Cubs are a roster loaded with big-time performers - scary performers, Rated-R performers. Start with a pair of starters in Kerry Wood and Mark Prior that have stuff even the Barney loving Tim McCarver calls “wicked.” The batting order is now filled with behemoth’s certain to send balls screaming out onto the dark streets. There’s nothing PG about that.

Yes, there will still be many day games, and we can bring the kids out. Games where we’ll play hooky from work, sit back in the bright comforting sun, and watch the game unfold like it might back on the sandlot. Before stadium lights were common, before a hot dog cost $5, before million dollar clauses. Heck, even before movies were rated.

Oh, but one thing has stayed the same … the same number of World Series flags are flying. Now that’s scary.

So let’s play ball, but utilize one of the few last twists we might have. Let the sun go down, and let’s get Rated-R.

Let’s make Wrigley a frightening place for them to play.

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